Oh no he didn’t. Well, at least I didn’t vote for the man in ‘04. Note to fauxgressives: who’s the asshole now?

Elsewhere in politics, *happy dance*: Barack Obama to adopt dog. As in “adopt,” not “buy.” Still not voting for him, tho.

What with all the dream team circle-jerking over which villains will battle with Batman in the next installment of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight series, Catwoman is, predictably, the villainess receiving the, um, lion’s share of the attention. But she’s been done. Well. (And no, I’m not talking about the prepubescent wankfest that was Catwoman. That was just…sad.) Poison Ivy, on the other hand (paw? leaf?), could use a good revamping. Besides, green is the new red. And the new black. Could there be a better time to resurrect and reimagine Batman’s eco-terraist foil than now?

So what would a Poison Ivy circa 2010 involve? Well, she definitely needs some VHEMT and hooded animal liberationist tats. And wouldn’t it be cool if her costume wasn’t a costume at all, but a living, breathing (possibly semi-intelligent) plant? If the filmmakers want to sex her up a little, they can always put rose buds over her nips…just as long as she has an Audrey head to hover over her shoulder. And, erm, no cartoon red hair, please. She’s a redhead, not a fucking clown.

It goes without saying that Ms. Ivy will be the heroine of the story, no?

Speaking of villains and heroes, “The hammer is my penis.” Best superhero line, or best superhero line evah?

(I’ve been bouncing around the house, yelling this all week. Seriously. It’s temporarily replaced IBTP as my refrain of choice whenever Dude Nation sticks, pokes, or jams something in my crabby feminist craw.)

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Tagged: link love batman poison ivy catwoman john kerry barack obama dr. horrible joss whedon

While “The Handmaid’s Tale(s)” started out as a simple review, it turns out that I’m so enamored of the book that it’s impossible to boil a discussion down to 3,000 words or less. Given the length of the essay, I decided to break it down into a series of posts; I’ll upload one every day or two until they’re all online.

Hopefully at least one of observations is fresh, yet so much has been written on The Handmaid’s Tale that many of my thoughts have most likely been voiced previously, probably by more adept literary critics than myself. However, the only resource related specifically to The Handmaid’s Tale I consulted while writing the essay is Wikipedia, and only to confirm the color of the Econowives’ dresses. Hence, no reference list. (But there are links to additional resources where appropriate.)

Without further ado, Part One in a nine-part series: The Handmaid’s Tale, The Book (Margaret Atwood, 1985): Plot Summary.

(A full TOC, complete with links for easy navigation, is included at the bottom of each post.)

Danger ahead, oh the horra! Plot spoilers abound! If you haven’t yet read the book, consider yourself warned. In fact, back away from this blog asap, go borrow The Handmaid’s Tale from your local library, and come back when you’re done. We’ll still be on the internets, promise.

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Ladies and gentlemen:

There are times in the history of our nation when our very way of life depends upon dispelling illusions and awakening to the challenge of a present danger. In such moments, we are called upon to move quickly and boldly to shake off complacency, throw aside old habits and rise, clear-eyed and alert, to the necessity of big changes. Those who, for whatever reason, refuse to do their part must either be persuaded to join the effort or asked to step aside. This is such a moment. The survival of the United States of America as we know it is at risk. And even more - if more should be required - the future of human civilization is at stake.

I don’t remember a time in our country when so many things seemed to be going so wrong simultaneously. Our economy is in terrible shape and getting worse, gasoline prices are increasing dramatically, and so are electricity rates. Jobs are being outsourced. Home mortgages are in trouble. Banks, automobile companies and other institutions we depend upon are under growing pressure. Distinguished senior business leaders are telling us that this is just the beginning unless we find the courage to make some major changes quickly.

The climate crisis, in particular, is getting a lot worse - much more quickly than predicted. Scientists with access to data from Navy submarines traversing underneath the North polar ice cap have warned that there is now a 75 percent chance that within five years the entire ice cap will completely disappear during the summer months. This will further increase the melting pressure on Greenland. According to experts, the Jakobshavn glacier, one of Greenland’s largest, is moving at a faster rate than ever before, losing 20 million tons of ice every day, equivalent to the amount of water used every year by the residents of New York City.

Two major studies from military intelligence experts have warned our leaders about the dangerous national security implications of the climate crisis, including the possibility of hundreds of millions of climate refugees destabilizing nations around the world.

Just two days ago, 27 senior statesmen and retired military leaders warned of the national security threat from an “energy tsunami” that would be triggered by a loss of our access to foreign oil. Meanwhile, the war in Iraq continues, and now the war in Afghanistan appears to be getting worse.

And by the way, our weather sure is getting strange, isn’t it? There seem to be more tornadoes than in living memory, longer droughts, bigger downpours and record floods. Unprecedented fires are burning in California and elsewhere in the American West. Higher temperatures lead to drier vegetation that makes kindling for mega-fires of the kind that have been raging in Canada, Greece, Russia, China, South America, Australia and Africa. Scientists in the Department of Geophysics and Planetary Science at Tel Aviv University tell us that for every one degree increase in temperature, lightning strikes will go up another 10 percent. And it is lightning, after all, that is principally responsible for igniting the conflagration in California today.

Like a lot of people, it seems to me that all these problems are bigger than any of the solutions that have thus far been proposed for them, and that’s been worrying me.

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Seven years ago today, LD and I adopted Ralphie from Dachshund Rescue of North America. At approximately this time 2555 days ago*, the three of us were making the long trek back to Rochester from Jamestown.

Originally from Indiana, Ralphie’s foster Mom Janet met our local DRNA rep Lela at some dachshund parade thingie in Ohio and handed him off to her. We met Lela and her husband - who were traveling with a vanful of wieners, one of which bit Mr. Lela on the lip - at their home in Jamestown, NY to pick the little bugger up. Shane drove home while Ralph and I cuddled in the backseat. I sat on the floor so I could get plenty of Eskimo kisses in.

When we first met him in Lela’s backyard, Ralphie ran away from us, huddling behind Lela - whom he’d only just met a few hours earlier - for protection. By the end of the car ride, we were BFFs. When we got home to our duplex in Fairport, he investigated the place dutifully, and promptly took a shit on the kitchen floor. I was so f’in happy to have my very own dog (he’s our firstborn, you see) that I couldn’t care less.

Seven years later, and he’s still my soul mate.

I love you, buhbie.

Warning: super crazy sweet nostalgia after the jump.

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On February 12, 2007, The Dick Dale show with Jessica Chase debuted as the new morning show. Less than a month later, Chase quietly departed the station. After several co-hosts and part time personalities joined the show, Producer Kevin Quinn was instilled as co-host. On July 9, 2008, the morning show was disbanded with the departure of Dick Dale from the station. The station reverted to “MyList Mornings” […]

The station keeps yapping on and on about some “listener survey” during their ad time, which makes me think that “Double D” (as our dearly departed misogynist oh-so-cleverly referred to himself) was FIRED by the audience. I don’t listen to terrestrial radio ’nuff to know, but either way, I’m one happy camper.

Buhbye asshole!

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Tagged: krbz dick dale the buzz kansas city kcmo kcks radio misogyny

Video and petition here.

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Tagged: michelle obama 2008 elections video petition msm racism misogyny

The Democratic-led Congress this afternoon voted to put an end to the NSA spying scandal, as the Senate approved a bill — approved last week by the House — to immunize lawbreaking telecoms, terminate all pending lawsuits against them, and vest whole new warrantless eavesdropping powers in the President. The vote in favor of the new FISA bill was 69-28. Barack Obama joined every Senate Republican (and every House Republican other than one) by voting in favor of it, while his now-vanquished primary rival, Sen. Hillary Clinton, voted against it. John McCain wasn’t present for any of the votes, but shared Obama’s support for the bill. The bill will now be sent to an extremely happy George Bush, who already announced that he enthusiastically supports it, and he will sign it into law very shortly

Ah, yes. “Republican Lite” Hillary Clinton voted against the bill, while Obama, the candidate of the liberal/progressive left, He of Hope/Change/Unicorns/Ice Cream/Gold Brick Roads, voted for it. Cue Obamabot apolo-jism.

Sadly, Obama is just one of twenty (Fucking! Twenty!) Dems DINOS traitors to vote in favor of the bill:

Democrats voting in favor of final passage of the FISA bill:

Bayh - Carper - Casey - Conrad - Dorgan - Feinstein - Innuoye - Kohl - Landrieu - Lincoln - McCaskill - Mukulski - Nelson (Neb.) - Nelson (Fla.) - Obama - Pryor - Rockefeller - Salazar - Webb - Whitehouse.

On this list is my very own Senator, Claire McCaskill. Ahem.

Now, I know I’ve said previously that, due to McCain being evil incarnate, the only way I’d not vote for Obama come November is if strangles, juices and drinks a puppy live on Leno or somesuch, but meh. I’ve fucking had it - not just with Obama, but with the whole lot of ‘em. This two-party system bullshit has got. to. go. Usually I take great care to research the candidates - even the lowliest of the lot, right down to the town treasurer - and cast an informed vote. Hells bells, that’s exactly what I did in 2006. And, um, look at all the good it did, eh? So fuck it. I’m just gonna vote the party line. As in, I’m gonna go down the ticket, and vote for every third-party candidate that’s running against a DINO/RINO establishment douchenozzle. Green, Libertarian, Marijuana, Independent - anything but the Constitution Party (which is an oxymoron if ever you’ve heard one).

At least the integrity of my presidential voting record will remain intact. (I’m that rare asshole who voted for Nader in 2000 and again in 2004. *Waves*)

Note to Claire McCaskill: when I said you’d lose my support if you let your Obama endorsement determine your FISA vote, I meant it. You can suck on my left titty if you think I’ll help reelect you in 2012.

I’d put Feinstein on teh list, but she’s been Dead to Me for ages.

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Tagged: fisa civil liberties war on terra 2008 elections barack obama claire mccaskill dinos puma obamabots stephen colbert the colbert report on notice dead to me flickr

Grrrr! (Or should I say “Chommmmp!”?)

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Tagged: teeth feminism rape movie link love

Keep Your Animals Safe On July 4th!

Photo via Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton

The Fourth of July can be one of the most dangerous and frightening holidays for animals. Loud explosions are terrifying to animals who don’t understand them.

With proper planning and some common sense, your companion animals can remain safe and secure on Independence Day. Here are some tips:

* First and foremost, leave your companion animals at home when you go to see fireworks! Resist the urge to take them to fireworks displays.

* Before you leave home for the fireworks, make sure your animals are indoors in a sheltered, quiet area. Some animals become destructive when frightened, so be sure that you’ve removed any items that your companion animal could destroy or that would be harmful if chewed or swallowed. Leave a television or radio playing at normal volume to keep him/her company.

* Make sure your animals are wearing identification tags (and it’s even better if they’re also microchipped!) so that if they do become lost, they can be returned promptly.

* Do not leave an animal in your car. With only hot air to breathe, your animal friend can suffer serious health effects, even death, in a few short minutes. Partially opened windows do not provide sufficient air or cooling, but they do provide an opportunity for your animal to be kidnapped.

* If you know that your animal becomes seriously distressed by loud noises, consult with your veterinarian before July 4th for ways to help alleviate the fear and anxiety he or she will experience during fireworks displays.

* Never leave your animals outside unattended, even in a fenced yard, and especially not on a chain. With explosions occuring, animals who normally wouldn’t leave the yard may escape and become lost, or become entangled in their chain, risking injury or death. (There are lots of other reasons to never leave your dog chained! Contact us if you want more information about the negative effects of chaining dogs.)

* If you find somebody else’s companion animals running at-large, either take them to the address on the tag, if you feel comfortable doing so, or bring them to the local animal shelter, where they will have the best chance of being reunited with their human families.

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I’m also working on reformatting all the old “vintage” posts that I copied here when I left my old blog, kellygarbato.com. I tried automating the process, but that introduced all sorts of weird characters and code. So it looks as though I have to tweak each post - 558, to be precise - by hand. Then I can finally scrap the old blog for good. After which I’ll write a shame-faced apology for some of my early posts, which are tinged with blind privilege. I have half a mind to just delete them all, but that strikes me as dishonest. Better to own my mistakes and learn from them. Plus, it’s interesting to look back and see how my thinking has evolved; I’ve become increasingly progressive since I began blogging. Still, I have a ways to go, and by leaving evidence of my past “isms” up in the archive, I hope to remind myself to always, always consider my own white, heterosexual, cisgendered, middle-class privilege. No, I don’t want a cookie; but if you do happen to go browsing through the archives (particularly 2005/2006), just keep in mind that most of my views have changed. Drastically.

Now for them memes. I won’t be tagging anyone, since I wasn’t tagged myself. I’m an island, yo.

The first meme, Seven Summer Songs, comes from Cara at The Curvature:

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

Cara went with an all-Beatles theme; me, I’m stumped. I sometimes go on a genre kick; occasionally, I’ll whittle it down to one band or even an album. But just a few songs? Way hard. Impossible, actually.

So rather than being The Seven songs I’m stuck on, these are just representative of the types of music I’m listening to.

1. The Bravery - Believe

After mocking it as a st00pid show idea for the first two or three seasons (”OK, they’re stranded on a deserted island. Now what?”), Shane and I rented Season 1 of Lost during the writer’s strike and were immediately hooked. We just finished Season 3 last weekend, and have Season 4 all queued up on DVR. So no spoilers, please! I am crazy obsessed with it, to the point where I’m re-watching pivotal episodes and reading episode guides and shit. I don’t think I’ve loved a show this much since the X-Files.

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