Update, 12/17/08: Build a monster for every occasion – click here for more recipes!

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My favorite FSMas decoration by far is the festive Flying Spaghetti Monsters I created last year. They’re really easy to make, too; in fact, once you’ve got the process down, you’ll be birthing these babies like guppies. Recruit a friend or two, and y’all can get an assembly line going: a few Pastafarians to weave the noodles together, and another heathen to glue on the pom poms and googly eyes.

Surely I jest, right?: If they’re soooo easy to make, you ask, why did I wait until today to blog the instructions? Well, because it’s a huge pain in the ass to take pictures for illustrative purposes while your living room floor is covered with pipe cleaners and pom poms, and there’s a glue gun smoking in the background, and your nosy doggehs are running off with half-finished monsters stuffed in their maws. In other words, please excuse the sub-par photo quality. The pictures I took on Friday didn’t come out quite as nicely as I’d hoped, but there’s no way I’m doing a reshoot. I have monsters to make, peoples!

For this project, you’ll need:

* “Chenille” pipe cleaners, preferably in sparkly shades of red, green, gold and silver (for the noodley appendages)
* Pom poms (round, cushy balls), also with a metallic sparkle, preferably in matching colors (for the soya balls)
* Googly eyes (um, for the eyes)
* Either a hot glue gun or a very strong glue (to keep it all together)

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While working on my FSMas cards this week, it occurred to me that this is the first year I’ve made “generic” cards – that is, photos with generic, non-personalized season’s greetings on the photo itself. Mostly, this departure is due to technical reasons (not enough horizontal white space on which to include text); however, a unexpected side effect is that this year’s cards – all four – are suitable for Pastafarians of all surnames, not just the Garbato-Brady’s.

I’m not yet ready to unveil 2008′s cards – what would I post on FSMas day, then? – but today I did go back and rework my 2005 and 2007 FSMas cards, removing all the personal info and replacing it with non-specific FSMas holiday messages. Feel free to download and use these for your own (*cough* non-commercial *cough*) saucy CriFSMas purposes, especially proselytizing to and converting your non-believing friends and family members. (Click on each card to supersize it via Flickr.)

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Last year, the Mr. and I started a new holiday tradition; rather than celebrate Festivus or x-mas, we decided to observe FSMas (or CriFSMas, if you prefer) instead. Whereas FSM = Flying Spaghetti Monster, the holiday basically revolves around two things: pasta and pirates.

Since this is somewhat of a fringe (spoof) religion (for now, muahahahaha!), you can’t exactly go to the Buy More and purchase decorations off the shelves. So also last year, I started blogging my FSMas decorating ideas, if only to amuse myself, but also in hopes of giving all y’all other heathens out there a kick in the pants and away from traditional Christmas festivities. We’re in a War on Christmas, peoples – pick a side.

I started out with the best of intentions in 2007, but didn’t get to blog many craft projects before the season was over. Given that it’s already December 8th, 2008 is shaping up to be a real world busy / internet sparse-y year as well, but I promise I’ll try to blog as much as time allows. (Suddenly, starting the season a week or so before Halloween doesn’t seem like such a buzzkill.)

To recap last year’s FSMas yummyness, we had:

* FSMas cards (two, yo!);

* Magical FSMas Vaginas (for the tree, natch);

* Pasta, pirate and FSM magnets for the fridge (i.e., Her Noodliness’s Tomb);

* Community/college bulletin boards, lined with all manner of FSM propaganda;

* Flags, flags and more flags;

* Flying spaghetti monster photos, displayed in – what else? – macaroni-lined frames; and

* Pirate booty galore.

I’d intended to write about the most important of FSMas items (that would be the tree, silly!) tonight, but I ended up finishing the decorating instead. So here’s an easy one: Noodles on a cross.

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Lifelong atheists, the Mr. and I have had an increasingly ambivalent relationship with Christmas. On the one hand, x-mas is undoubtedly *the* biggest holiday of the year – and yet, it’s also a very *religious* holiday, crass consumerism and Santa hats aside. July 4th, President’s Day, Flag Day, St. Patrick’s Day…no secular holiday can compare. Even Thanksgiving and Halloween carry religious connotations. Besides protesting the holiday by spelling it with an “x” instead of a “Christ” (the weakest of protestations, I might add), what’s a godless blasphemer to do, hmmm?

In ’06, we tried celebrating Festivus in conjunction with x-mas. Given that Festivus – having only appeared in one episode of Seinfeld – is a pretty sketchy holiday, our Festivus was “Festivus” in name only: we still decorated the house with a Christmas tree, red-green-gold-silver tinsel, stockings, Santas, etc., dressed the dogs in holiday apparel, and opened presents and devoured vegan eats on December 25th. What were we gonna do – display an aluminum pole and yell at one another over dinner? We weren’t kidding anyone: it was CHRISTmas, more or less.

Last year, I had an epiphany – why not celebrate FSMas instead? We could decorate the house with pasta and pirates, and perhaps even celebrate on a day other than the 25th. And that’s what we did – I made macaroni ‘garland’ by stringing pieces of penne together, hung maroon satin bulbs (soy balls) and red lights on the tree, framed photos of His/Her/Its Noodliness, made a pirate alter in the front window, and created festive mini Flying Spaghetti Monsters using tinseled pipe cleaners, pom poms and googly eyes. We ‘officially’ recognized the holiday on December 24, so we could lounge around and relax on the 25th. (In between phone calls home, of course.) The dogs dressed as pirates, and Kaylee posed for our FSMas card surrounded by gold doubloons and Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum.

We had so much fun that we’re doing the same this year, only bigger and better. I’m reusing many of the decorations I created last year, and hopefully I’ll find time to follow up on some other ideas (especially that Noodle House – like a Gingerbread House, but with lasagna and the like). While the general theme is pasta and pirates, I’ve kind of relaxed the rules a bit from last year. As a for instance, I stuck to red (red sauce) and gold (gold booty) tinsel last year, but am also including green (pesto sauce) and silver (silver booty) tinsel this year…because I’ve got a ton of the stuff. X-mas themed stuffed animals are also allowed out of the closet this year, but only if they agree to wear pirate hats, eye patches, and gold hooks. Pirates are again all the rage, but whereas “pirates” meant eye-patched, sea-faring thieves in ’07, the definition of pirates has expanded in ’08, to include much beloved space pirates as the crew of Serenity. (Where do y’all think we got the names Kaylee and Jayne, hmmm?)

Anyway, I’ll be blogging it all on Smite Me!, so if you’re interested, keep an eye out.

Also last year, we began a tradition of starting the FSMas decorating the weekend after Thanksgiving. Which got me thinking about Thanksgiving, and whether I want to recognize a holiday that commemorates the genocide of millions of Native Americans with the genocide slaughter of millions of birds at all. (Update, 11/30/10: Genocide is “the deliberate and systematic extermination of a” [group]. Clearly, the farming of animals including turkeys does not fit this definition. The attempted extermination of wolves in the U.S. by ranchers, though, is another story…)

I’ve never been a big fan of Thanksgiving; doubly so since I went vegetarian roughly 12 years ago. Those early years, spent at my father’s mother’s house, I was lucky if there was a dish or two I could eat. I was both allergic to milk and ethically repulsed by meat, so there were precious few foods suitable for my diet. Later on, the Tofurky worked its way into pop culture consciousness and onto our table. But even then, my options mostly consisted of the Tofurky, olives (which my grandmother, having lived through the Depression, rationed out as though they were caviar) and salad. Not exactly the stuff of a feast.

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Thanksliving has come and gone, but if I might, a late menu and some food porn – if only to give y’all a few ideas for next year (or, better yet, this FSMas).

Since my father’s a vegetarian, I’ve been eating Tofurky for Thanksliving every year since I went veg – which is roughly a dozen Save-a-Turkey Days, give or take. Up until last year, I (and my mother before me) always roasted it using the “traditional” OJ and soy sauce baste from Turtle Island Foods. Last year, the Mr. and I decided to mix things up, so we went with a newer Turtle Island recipe, Tofurky with Caramelized Onion and Cherry Relish. It was delish – but, not wanting to fall back into our habit of falling back on familiar recipes, I started searching for another baste recipe a few weeks ago. Dissatisfied with the Google results for “Tofurky recipe,” I had that aha! moment: why not search for turkey baste recipes? Surely I’d find a wider variety of bastes and marinades, most of which could be veganized, yeah?

Hells yeah! In particular, I came upon this recipe for Maple Roast Turkey Tofurky that sounded awesome. Previously, I’d been eying Turtle Island’s Tofurky Maple-Pecan Roast, but was afraid that the chili paste and 5-spice powder might make the dish too hot for my taste buds. The Maple Roast recipe, then, sounded like the perfect compromise.

And perfect it was! Of the three Tofurky recipes we’ve tried thus far, this was our favorite. And, even though the syrup has to cook and cool longer than the OJ/soy sauce marinade and caramelized onion and cherry relish, it wasn’t especially difficult to make. Not as mapley as I expected – perhaps I’ll try adding more maple syrup next time around – but yummy nonetheless.

As for the other dishes, Shane made our standby Vegetarian Stuffing (which is actually vegan), as well as Cranberry Apple Potato Dumplings, while I was in charge of the white dinner rolls and apple pie. My menu isn’t nearly as impressive as those of other veg*n bloggers (you should definitely check out Elaine, River, Isa, and Jane and Lane’s Thanksliving Day offerings), but it was just the two of us, and we’ve got enough leftovers to last the rest of the week.

Menu

- Maple Roast Tofurky with potatoes and carrots (recipe below)

- Vegetarian Stuffing (recipe below)

- Cranberry Apple Potato Dumplings (from Turtle Island Foods’ Tofurky Feast)

- Rhodes white dinner rolls

- Mrs. Smith’s Deep Dish Apple Pie (frozen) with vanilla So Delicious ice cream

- Beverages: watermelon juice, Silk Pumpkin Spice, Silk Soy Nog, Bigelow’s Earl Grey Green Tea, apple cider

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This Thursday, you have choices – the most obvious of which, is the choice between consuming this

and this.

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Because slapping a gaudy yellow ribbon on the back of your SUV simply won’t do.

1. Volunteer to foster a soldier’s companion animal(s) while he or she is stationed overseas.

There exist very few programs to help members of the military care for their companion animals while they are stationed overseas. Unless soldiers can recruit a family member to house and care for their “pets” while they are away, soldiers are forced to relinquish their animals – to a “pound,” a shelter, or an adoption group.

Between 6 and 8 millions dogs and cats enter U.S. shelters every year. Of these, half are euthanized murdered.

By fostering a soldier’s companion animal(s), you can save an animal’s life, and also ensure a happy reunion between a soldier and her furry friend(s) when she returns from serving her country – i.e., you.

How it works: many of the programs I’ve seen match potential foster homes with soldiers in need, based on a number of factors, including location, type of animal, and caregiver preferences. These groups are generally nonprofits, and finances are limited; consequently, veterinary and food costs, as well as terms and conditions, are usually negotiated between the soldier and caregiver.

To get started, check out Guardian Angels for Soldier’s Pet and Operation Noble Foster.

If you live near a U.S. military base, you may also want to check with local veterinarians to see if they can help match you up with soldiers in need locally. Alternately, you can coordinate with your local veterinarians to start a grassroots foster program in your area – even if you yourself are not in a position to foster an animal.

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Happy Halloween, peoples. Shane and will be spending the day watching horror movies, good and bad (think Black Sheep and Poultrygeist), and chowing down on all manner of vegan junk food. (I’ll post the food porn in all its sugary goodness tomorrow, in my final VeganMoFo post.)

I spent a few hours last week harassing the dogs with Halloween costumes and such (any excuse to dress up the furkids, right?); and, since I wouldn’t want their suffering to be for naught, here are the requisite festive holiday photos.

Last year, I dressed everyone up as pirates and pumpkins. Not wanting to reuse the old costumes (oh no, that would be embarrassing, right?), I mixed it up a little this year.

I only had one new Halloween outfit – a witch’s hat with black and orange pigtails – so everyone took a spin in the witch’s costume:

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For those not in the veg*n know, fall is the time to be a veghead! Not only is today World Vegetarian Day (happy World Vegetarian Day, peoples!), October 1 also kicks off VeganMoFo, i.e., the Vegan Month of Food, organized by veg*n culinary genius (and #1 domestic terra-ist) Isa @ Post Punk Kitchen:

Join us for VeganMofo – the Vegan Month Of Food. The idea is to write as much as you can for the month of October about vegan food. The blog entries can be about anything food related – your love of tongs, your top secret tofu pressing techniques, the first time your mom cooked vegan for you, vegan options in Timbuktu – you get the idea.

Last year we didn’t come up with strict guidelines for how often we wrote, but I think the idea is to shoot for every weekday, or about 20 times in the month. Don’t forget to tag your stuff “veganmofo” and you can use the VeganMoFo banner (^up there) on your mofo posts. If you’d like inspiration or would just like to whine about how hard it is, check out the MoFo forum on the PPK message boards.

As the world catches on that vegan food really is the best choice for animals (suck it, humane meat!), the planet (bite me, melting ice caps!) and people (piss off, heart disease!) let’s show them what vegan eating is all about.

One last thing – you may remember that VeganMoFo was in November last year, well, this year it’s in October because there’s more produce and stuff. Also, I’ll be in NYC this November and not really near a computer.

To be included here, just leave a comment on this blog entry with a link to your URL. I will then include you in the RSS feed, once I remember how to update it. You can also join the VeganMoFo Flicker group. Happy writing everyone! If you’re feeling at a loss for how to start this off, why don’t you make your first entry about that?

If you want to participate, it’s not too late. Head on over to the Post Punk Kitchen to register your blog, join the Flickr group, and grab a banner.

I’m taking part over at my AR blog, easyVegan.info (just jump to the VeganMoFo category to view all the posts). I may occasionally crosspost an entry over here, but I don’t want to flood the place with all-veg*n posts, all the time. So hop on over to easyVegan to read my first entry, which focuses on X-Treme Local Eating (otherwise known as, ahem, “gardening”).

If you’ve got a veg*n issue you’d like me to address, drop a comment below. I’m open to suggestions, especially since I don’t have any recipes saved up for the carnival. As of this writing, I’ve only thunk up enough ideas to fill a week – and I’ll be here through 10/31, folks.

Oh, and tomorrow: World Farm Animals Day. Getcher free veg starter kit to commemorate the day here.

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Tagged: veganmofo vegan veganism vegetarian vegetarianism blog swarm october food carnival eating locally garden gardening fruits veggies flickr photos world vegetarian day events ppk post punk kitchen wfad world farm animals day

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: In Defense of Animals – takeaction [at] idausa.org
Date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 4:25 PM
Subject: Fourth of July Animal Safety Tips

Keep Your Animals Safe On July 4th!

Photo via Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton

The Fourth of July can be one of the most dangerous and frightening holidays for animals. Loud explosions are terrifying to animals who don’t understand them.

With proper planning and some common sense, your companion animals can remain safe and secure on Independence Day. Here are some tips:

* First and foremost, leave your companion animals at home when you go to see fireworks! Resist the urge to take them to fireworks displays.

* Before you leave home for the fireworks, make sure your animals are indoors in a sheltered, quiet area. Some animals become destructive when frightened, so be sure that you’ve removed any items that your companion animal could destroy or that would be harmful if chewed or swallowed. Leave a television or radio playing at normal volume to keep him/her company.

* Make sure your animals are wearing identification tags (and it’s even better if they’re also microchipped!) so that if they do become lost, they can be returned promptly.

* Do not leave an animal in your car. With only hot air to breathe, your animal friend can suffer serious health effects, even death, in a few short minutes. Partially opened windows do not provide sufficient air or cooling, but they do provide an opportunity for your animal to be kidnapped.

* If you know that your animal becomes seriously distressed by loud noises, consult with your veterinarian before July 4th for ways to help alleviate the fear and anxiety he or she will experience during fireworks displays.

* Never leave your animals outside unattended, even in a fenced yard, and especially not on a chain. With explosions occuring, animals who normally wouldn’t leave the yard may escape and become lost, or become entangled in their chain, risking injury or death. (There are lots of other reasons to never leave your dog chained! Contact us if you want more information about the negative effects of chaining dogs.)

* If you find somebody else’s companion animals running at-large, either take them to the address on the tag, if you feel comfortable doing so, or bring them to the local animal shelter, where they will have the best chance of being reunited with their human families.

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