No, no and no.

February 22nd, 2008 7:55 pm by Kelly Garbato

Keira Knightley As Guinevere

Pagan bitch is not amused.

I get mail! (It’s about time, trolls. Ahem, ahem.)

padraic kelly wrote:
Hello Kelly
I would like to talk to you about God, i was an atheist too, an angry atheist, a very disappointed atheist but i wanted to believe that there is a God, i wanted to believe that i am immortal and that when i die i will go somewhere. Can i ask you why you are anti-theist? Are you open to belief in God? can i ask you that if you had a choice would you want to go to heaven? Did the idea of eternal life ever appeal to you!!!
padraic

Clearly dude is cold-calling; if he read my blog at all, he’d pass on the proselytizing and skip right to the curses of hellfire and damnation.

By the by, heaven sounds like a mighty shitty reward for following a series of inconsistent and tediously demanding rules. 70 virgins? Flying S. Monster, give me 70 call boys any day! Eternal life? Who the fuck wants that! My estimated 85+ years (good genes, baby) already seems like too damn much.

Bah, I guess that was Mr. Rosary’s long answer.

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Crazy Sexy Impeachment

February 21st, 2008 4:43 pm by Kelly Garbato

This is 100 degrees of awesome:

“Bush and Cheney: arrested for gross violations of international and U.S. law!” A new proposal in the township of Brattleboro, Vermont — authorizing local law enforcement to arrest Bush and Cheney — would make this headline a reality, should either of them step inside the town’s jurisdiction. The Brattleboro proposal is to be voted on in the coming weeks at a town hall meeting. The proposal is up for discussion thanks to the hard work of community activists, who petitioned citywide to have the motion put to a vote. Fearful of the indictment, Bush and Cheney are mounting a counteroffensive. But in town after town in Vermont, the people have voted to support impeachment recognizing that Bush and Cheney have committed high crimes and misdemeanors.

The Brattleboro indictment of Bush and Cheney is reflective of the tide of opposition to the current administration. The people of this country are refusing to let Bush leave office without facing charges for his criminal deeds. Just yesterday, the New Hampshire State House held an impeachment hearing, which was flooded by activists and community members insisting that the state legislature take action. Hollywood actor Ed Asner wrote a letter for the hearing expressing his support for the resolution, which indicts Bush for “invading Iraq without just cause or provocation.”

Say…any chance that rendition is also on the table? Just a thought.

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Be still my radical feminist, anti-theist, librulprogressive veg*n heart!

February 20th, 2008 4:29 pm by Kelly Garbato

My favorite patriarchy blamer has come out as a vegetarian! At least methinks so:

A couple of years ago I got called on the carpet by a vegetarian blamer who was deeply grossed out by blogular photographs of my meaty lunches. At the time I demurred, not having fully worked out the connection between women’s oppression and the global megameatyocracy. But today I lounge before you in my lime green recliner and declare that there is no legitimate argument on behalf of consuming corporate meat. Convenience is not a legitimate argument. Price is not a legitimate argument. The delicious flavor of applewood smoked bacon is not a legitimate argument. Tradition is not a legitimate argument. Culture is not a legitimate argument.

Culture, as a matter of fact, is never a legitimate argument for anything. Fuck culture.

I am prompted to state the obvious by the reports of ground beef recalls and animal cruelty circulating around the media today. An undocumented immigrant meat industry worker has been arraigned for “illegal movement of a non-ambulatory animal,” which is a sanitized way of saying that he savaged sick cows with electric prods and forced them to their feet with fork lifts, among other things.

Despite the protestations of the corporate spokesperson, this slaughterhouse sadism cannot and must not be considered an anomaly. It is a documented fact that whenever human beings are given authority over lower-status beings — whether the lower status beings are cattle or women or slaves or prisoners of war — those in authority are unable to contain their vicious impulses and quickly morph into sadistic amoral assholes. This is a cornerstone of patriarchy. As is the rationalization, parroted, unsurprisingly, by the meat worker: “I was only following orders.”

Thus we can but conclude that hamburgers and radical feminism are mutually exclusive.

(Emphasis mine.)

Bonus pleasant surprise of the day: a majoroty of the Blamers are responding positively to Twisty’s proclamation, with many singing the praises of veg*nism themselves. Even most of the omnivores are expressing some degree concern for animal welfare, as evidenced by their support for organic/free range/hand raised meat and dairy products. Hey, it’s a start. And it’s much better than the widespread scorn we misanthropic animal lovers/people haters encounter on other *cough* feminist blogs *cough*cough*.

Now if ya’ll will excuse me, I have to go wipe a tear. This may be the happiest day of my life (on the interwebs, that is).

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but i is tasting like hooman! (*ewz*)

February 20th, 2008 1:47 pm by Kelly Garbato

funny pictures

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The Spoils of War (A review of The Kingdom, 2007)

February 18th, 2008 7:13 pm by Kelly Garbato

Crossposted from Amazon.com. You know the drill – go give me a gold star over there, so you don’t have to give me a gold star over here. Or something like that.

The Kingdom (2007)

The Spoils of War

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THE KINGDOM opens with a bang – literally. A group of Saudi Arabian terrorists attack an oil company’s housing compound during a softball game, in what is obviously a highly planned and coordinated series of attacks. Once the day is over, over 100 people are dead, with another 200+ injured. While most are employees of the oil company and their families, first responders to the initial attack – including Saudi police forces, health care workers, and one FBI agent – are killed in a larger, secondary bombing.

Because “the FBI is the lead agency whenever US citizens are attacked abroad,” as the film’s opening helpfully informs us, Special Agent Ronald Fleury (Jamie Foxx) implores his bosses to let him take a team to the scene in order to investigate the crime – and the sooner, the better, as evidence starts to degrade after the first 36 hours. Wary of the political ramification, his higher-ups resist, so Fleury circumvents the system with a little international blackmail. Once Fleury and his team (Jennifer Garner as Janet Mayes, Chris Cooper as Grant Sykes, and Jason Bateman as Adam Leavitt) arrive in Saudi Arabia, the rest of the film alternates between diplomatically frustrated investigation and a suspenseful race to catch the terrorist mastermind behind the bombings before the team’s five allotted days run out.

Aside from the initial suicide bombing scenes, the first third of the film moves at a snail’s pace. It’s front-loaded with dialogue and very little action – just a lot of mind-numbing bureaucracy and miles of red tape. Indeed, many of the deleted scenes featured on the DVD were obviously cut from this section of the film, while much of the end of the movie apparently remained intact. Even with these changes, the opening scenes still tend to drag.

Once the action picks up, THE KINGDOM is a gut-wrenching ride. The special effects are incredible, and the two major action sequences – a car wreck and a subsequent apartment shootout – will have you gripping the edge of your seat. The realism, I think, makes the “terror” scenes much more painful and horrific to watch. As I’m writing this, Google’s headlines scream at me: “The jihadi and the beheading plot,” “New Afghan suicide attack kills dozens,” “Death toll in Afghan suicide blast tops 100.” THE KINGDOM may be a work of fiction, but the images are all too familiar.

In addition to the standard “making of” featurettes, the DVD has one really cool and unusual extra that makes it worth the price of a rental, even if you’ve already seen the movie in the theater. You can replay the apartment shootout four times, viewing it from the different perspectives of the various groups of characters (Fleury and Al-Ghazi; Mayes; Leavitt; and Sykes and Haytham). One action-packed scene, four vantage points. It’s one of the most inventive extras I’ve encountered in awhile. Yay DVDs!

While the action sequences take center stage, the acting is superb as well – with the sole exception of Foxx, who mumbles his way through the movie. Ashraf Barhom and Ali Suliman are excellent as the Saudi policemen who assist in the investigation, and I just wanted to squeeze Jason Bateman’s baby cheeks by the end of the movie. Jennifer Garner, in particular, kicked arse as Special Agent Janet Mayes (welcome back to the genre, Syd! – err, Jen). Personally, I think Congress ought to pass a resolution limiting her to action/adventure movies, at least until she hits 60. When they’re done breaking the whole steroids in baseball scandal, that is.

Aside from being a gripping action/adventure/suspense flick, THE KINGDOM also delivers a surprising message on the nature of war and peace – and the human condition. Far from being another “git the brownies,” xenophobic, imperialist, neocon wet dream, the film’s conclusion stresses that we aren’t really so different after all, especially in our lust for revenge and our intolerance of the “Other.” War, violence, oppression – all are a never ending cycle, as old as humanity itself. “An eye for en eye” isn’t true justice; doubly so when neither side can remember who poked out whose eye first. An unexpectedly progressive “war on terra” movie, perfect for hawks and doves alike.

Once the film was over, I turned to my husband and asked, “A Department of Peace* doesn’t seem so silly after all, does it?” He the libertarian (small “l”, thankyouverymuch) didn’t bother arguing, as is his normal knee jerk reaction. Hell, he couldn’t even muster a bit of mockery for Kucinich’s hippie idealism. Given the vicious and oppressive nature of our species, a department devoted solely to studying and promoting peace, cooperation, and human rights and dignity is just what we need, I think.

And I suspect that he might finally think so, too.

* As proposed by Congressman and two-time former Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich, the vegan woodland elf of hippie lore. Yeah, I voted for him. Twice.

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hey! yous! i iz also on

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kthnxbai.

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Jane Fonda, will you be our Queen?

February 16th, 2008 4:46 pm by Kelly Garbato

Queen Cunt, that is!

As far as this vagina-person is concerned, Jane can use damn near any slang for the lady bits she wants – cunt, slit, gash, coochie, hoohaa, whatevs. We’re talking about Jane fucking Fonda. Mistress of Cunt Manor! Sheriff of Cunt Town! Queen of Cuntville! Captain Cunt of the Brownbeavers! She’s a can of whoopass with a side order of awesome, is what I’m saying.

And I propose, in this village of Cunty McBitchez, we appoint Leonord Nimoy our official feminist ally mascot/domesticated house pet. He can design our clothes and sing us lounge music after a hard day of ball busting and stuff.

Like, who the fuck knew? Certainly not this cunt.

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To Kaylee, Our Sweetest Girl

February 16th, 2008 4:18 pm by Kelly Garbato

I was looking back through some of my babydoggy posts, and realized that I forgot to share the poem that Shane wrote for Kaylee last September. (Here are Ralphie and Peedee’s odes; O-Ren and Jayne are still waiting on theirs.) So here it be, along with some photos of my babygirl. Sweetest dog ever, she is. And shiny, too!

Kaylee

2007-07-17 - Dogs Outside - 0029

Kaylee the sweet with the very big teeth,
Come sit here and stay very near
I’ll pet your head, as you go to bed

Kaylee the wise, with your soulful eyes
Let me feed, and give what you need
I’ll give you dinner, so you stay thinner

Kaylee the mother, like no other
Go outside and run, and have some fun
I’ll watch you close, forgetting my woes

Kaylee our friend, a rat terrier blend
Time to scratch your ears, throughout the years
I’ll always praise, those adoption days

Kaylee our girl, running around in a whirl
I’ll put you on the bed, pat your head
I’ll drift asleep, with Kaylee in contented sleep

- Shane Brady, September 3, 2007

(More below the fold…)

Book Review: Striking at the Roots by Mark Hawthorne (2008)

February 14th, 2008 5:15 pm by Kelly Garbato

(Crossposted from easyVegan.info.)

As promised earlier in the week, here’s my review of Striking at the Roots: A Practical Guide to Animal Activism, by Mark Hawthorne. I actually devoured the first ten chapters in like two days, starting on Super Bowl Sunday…and then it took me way too long to get back to it. Go figure.

If you’re interested in buying a copy – which, hello, I totally recommend! – please consider paying a wee bit extra and purchase it from a veg*n vendor. As Mark points out, “One easy way to help animals is to support vegan stores and animal-rights organizations” – so here’s his list of animal-friendly outlets that are stocking his book. Even if you can only afford to forgo the big box stores every once in awhile, your buying habits definitely make a huge impact – so vote with your wallet, people!

That said, so consider dropping by Amazon to give my review a thumbs-up. LibraryThing too!

kthnxbai.

(More below the fold…)

Insert tired joke re: congressional priorities here.

February 13th, 2008 4:41 pm by Kelly Garbato

Like, who cares about boring stuff like war and terror and The War on Terror when there are meatheads shooting hgh and ‘roids in their arses and stealing ur chix and ur lunch monies?

But ZOMG! Teh chillin! They might get hooked on teh drugz!

As opposed to the children of Iraq, whose houses and/or parents we bombed into oblivion based on 935 false statements lies.

It’s enough to make this featherhead wish that Congress would stick to debating the merits of ’80s rock vs. contemporary country. Poopyheads.

And then there was Wexler.

Swoon.

Love him, cocaine and all.

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Spreading the smiting.

February 11th, 2008 10:46 pm by Kelly Garbato

KellyGarbato.com in May 2006:

kellygarbato-map

Smite Me! as of this morning:

2008-02-11 - SmiteMe map

Now, the growth chart on easyVegan.info made sense, since the posts/pages went from a few dozen in June of ’06 to more than 2000 today, but I’m puzzled as to why Smite Me! looks so much more complicated than KellyGarbato.com (the ridiculously bloated predecessor to this blog).

*shrug*

I guess the highways on the Internet will not, in point of fact, become more few.

(You can get your own geeky goodness here.)

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