Well, at least this one is. And she’s trying to get into the FSMas spirit, at that.

(More below the fold…)

No, seriously.

According to teh Wiki,

Idolatry is a major sin in the Abrahamic religions regarding image. It is usually defined as worship of any cult image, idea, or object, as opposed to the worship of a God. In religions where such activity is not considered as sin, the term “idolatry” itself is absent.

A search of the Church’s archives of saucy teachings turns up not even one instance of the word.

Hence, there are no false idols in these fantabulous macaroni-lined frames! Good thing, because I made them specifically to display His Noodliness’s visage this FSMas season.

(More below the fold…)

After repeated rejections of including alternate views on his Task Force on Abortion, Governor Blunt threw down the gauntlet: “nothing is stopping Planned Parenthood from forming their own group.”

This may be the only advice we ever take from Governor Blunt…

Let’s Start a REAL Task Force to Protect Women’s Health and Lives!

And here you thought I was gonna ask you to help him pray the gay away…

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Tagged: Matt Blunt abortion feminism misogyny Missouri MO Task Force on Abortion Planned parenthood politics Matt Blunt hates women douchebags religion godbags action alerts bitches is crazy

Coming to punish me – with a case o’ unholy heartburn, no doubt! – for my procrastination on the FSMas blogging front.

No worry! I should be finishing up the rest of my FSMas chores tonight – damn cards! – so blogging will resume shortly.

Until then, be touched.

RAmen.

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Tagged: holidays observances x-mas xmas christmas war on christmas fsmas flying spaghetti monster pastafarian pastafarianism religion spoof parody spoof religion parody religion godbags science Intelligent Design ID creationism pasta pirates his noodliness noodles balls diy crafts holiday crafts decorations holiday decorations flickr photos heartburn ghosts sightings fsm sightings fsm manifestations ghost of fsm past

Look! Pirate flags! On Amazon! For just $5!

If you don’t have a flagpole out front, like moi*

then you can always hang ‘em somewhere inside instead.

(More below the fold…)

OK, so this diy FSMas idea is so simple, it’s pretty much self-explanatory:

It’s a community bulletin board, baby!

Just buy (or make) a bulletin board, fill with FSM propaganda, and hang. Doesn’t get any easier than that.

Ours measures 2′x3′ and is made of cork with a wood frame. We requested – and actually received – ours on freecycle, but they don’t cost all that much at the store. Less still if you buy some cork board and frame it yourself.

The fliers are from www.venganza.org (click on over to materials). For an extra-collegiate vibe, print up at least one with flier with tear-off tabs – and tear a few off yourself. (Or, if you’re uber-anal like me, neatly cut the tabs with scissors and fold them down/up for a 3D effect.)

Bonus: This is one decoration you can leave up year-round, either with your FSM fliers, or rotating the artwork through the seasons/holidays.

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Tagged: holidays observances x-mas xmas christmas war on christmas fsmas flying spaghetti monster pastafarian pastafarianism religion spoof parody spoof religion parody religion godbags science Intelligent Design ID creationism pasta pirates his noodliness noodles balls diy crafts holiday crafts decorations holiday decorations flickr photos cork board bulletin board fliers flyers propaganda community bulletin board posters evangelical proselytize art shabby chic

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: NARAL Pro-Choice Missouri – can [at] prochoiceamerica.org
Date: Dec 12, 2007 12:02 PM
Subject: Matt Blunt’s Triple Threat

Missouri women’s right to choose is under the worst assault since the days before Roe v. Wade. Governor Matt Blunt knows he’s in trouble with his right-wing base, so now he’s rolled out his three-pronged plan of attack to destroy women’s rights and win re-election. Tell Governor Blunt to stop his assault on Missouri’s women and their families at

prochoiceaction.org/campaign/MO_Access_Gov_1207/

First, he unilaterally appointed a task force to “study” the effects of abortion on women. The task force met several times before anyone knew about it, in obvious breach of Missouri’s open meeting Sunshine Laws. Since the panel’s purpose is to earn points with his radical base and not to promote the health or safety of women and their families, the governor has invited only anti-choice ideologues to sit on the panel. NARAL Pro-Choice Missouri asked to participate, and our request to present medically-accurate input fell on deaf ears.

Second, he gave the task force authority to lay out legislative priorities. The members of the task force propose requiring the state Department of Health to breach patient confidentiality laws and track women for years after they have an abortion; forcing doctors to provide misleading and slanted counseling to their patients; and funneling tax money that once subsidized family-planning services to the non-medical agencies that panel members operate.

The third, most dangerous prong of this malicious attack on women is an effort to get a statewide abortion ban on the ballot next November.* If the initiative becomes law, abortion would be illegal in ALL CASES, even to save a woman’s life or to prevent irreversible damage to her body. There is no exception for rape or incest.

Act today! Tell Governor Blunt to stop his assault on Missouri’s women and their families at prochoiceaction.org/campaign/MO_Access_Gov_1207/

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Visit the web address below to tell your friends about Governor Blunt’s assault on Missouri’s women and their families.

prochoiceaction.org/join-forward.html

If you received this message from a friend, you can sign up for NARAL Pro-Choice America’s Choice Action Network at:

prochoiceaction.org/can/join.html

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* Sez Laura Scott of the KC Star,

A proposed Missouri initiative to ban virtually all abortions is not going to get on the ballot easily. And it certainly shouldn’t.

It is not a simple little measure to limit abortions. Even in cases where a woman’s life is in danger from the pregnancy, the proposal requires extensive emotional, psychological, physical, situational, and demographic evaluations of the woman before the abortion can be performed. That’s ridiculous.

Even the title of the proposal is misleading. It is called the “Prevention of Coerced and Unsafe Abortions Act.”

Coerced abortions? In Missouri?

Do these people ever tell the truth?

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Tagged: Tagged: kansas missouri ks mo phill kline matt blunt governor blunt naral abortion pro-choice Task Force on the Impact of Abortion on Women godbags misogyny feminism planned parenthood John McCastle Cindy Province Barbara Quigley contraception birth control Center for Bioethics and Culture Missouri ballot initiative David Reardon the Elliot Institute Alliance for Life Missouri douchebags rape incest health exceptions the patriarchy action alerts

Try to ignore the quasi-religious claptrap and just enjoy the rest of Al’s tree hugging humanist speech.

SPEECH BY AL GORE ON THE ACCEPTANCE OF THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
DECEMBER 10, 2007
OSLO, NORWAY

Your Majesties, Your Royal Highnesses, Honorable members of the Norwegian Nobel Committee, Excellencies, Ladies and gentlemen.

I have a purpose here today. It is a purpose I have tried to serve for many years. I have prayed that God would show me a way to accomplish it.

Sometimes, without warning, the future knocks on our door with a precious and painful vision of what might be. One hundred and nineteen years ago, a wealthy inventor read his own obituary, mistakenly published years before his death. Wrongly believing the inventor had just died, a newspaper printed a harsh judgment of his life’s work, unfairly labeling him “The Merchant of Death” because of his invention – dynamite. Shaken by this condemnation, the inventor made a fateful choice to serve the cause of peace.

Seven years later, Alfred Nobel created this prize and the others that bear his name.

Seven years ago tomorrow, I read my own political obituary in a judgment that seemed to me harsh and mistaken – if not premature. But that unwelcome verdict also brought a precious if painful gift: an opportunity to search for fresh new ways to serve my purpose.

(More below the fold…)

So when dubya said that Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah “knows our position loud and clear” re: punishing the victims of gang rape, I guess this is the “position” he was referring to:

A Houston, Texas woman says she was gang-raped by Halliburton/KBR coworkers in Baghdad, and the company and the U.S. government are covering up the incident.

Jamie Leigh Jones, now 22, says that after she was raped by multiple men at a KBR camp in the Green Zone, the company put her under guard in a shipping container with a bed and warned her that if she left Iraq for medical treatment, she’d be out of a job. [...]

In a lawsuit filed in federal court against Halliburton and its then-subsidiary KBR, Jones says she was held in the shipping container for at least 24 hours without food or water by KBR, which posted armed security guards outside her door, who would not let her leave.

“It felt like prison,” says Jones, who told her story to ABC News as part of an upcoming “20/20″ investigation. “I was upset; I was curled up in a ball on the bed; I just could not believe what had happened.”

Finally, Jones says, she convinced a sympathetic guard to loan her a cell phone so she could call her father in Texas.

“I said, ‘Dad, I’ve been raped. I don’t know what to do. I’m in this container, and I’m not able to leave,’” she said. Her father called their congressman, Rep. Ted Poe, R-Texas.

“We contacted the State Department first,” Poe told ABCNews.com, “and told them of the urgency of rescuing an American citizen” — from her American employer. [...]

According to her lawsuit, Jones was raped by “several attackers who first drugged her, then repeatedly raped and injured her, both physically and emotionally.”

Jones told ABCNews.com that an examination by Army doctors showed she had been raped “both vaginally and anally,” but that the rape kit disappeared after it was handed over to KBR security officers. [...]

Over two years later, the Justice Department has brought no criminal charges in the matter. In fact, ABC News could not confirm any federal agency was investigating the case.

Legal experts say Jones’ alleged assailants will likely never face a judge and jury, due to an enormous loophole that has effectively left contractors in Iraq beyond the reach of United States law.

And we were gonna spread freedom and democracy over there. Right.

(Via.)

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Tagged: feminism misogyny rape war on terra iraq coverup conspiracy men hate you Halliburton Kellogg Brown & Root KBR Jamie Leigh Jones Green Zone crime abc news 20/20

After all, it is the great cooler which keeps His Noodliness’s remains fresh and edible. Kind of like Jesus’s tomb. Which would make your Tupperware the Shroud of Turin, I guess.

In semi-seriousness, decorating your fridge (or filing cabinet or whathaveyou) is a fairly simple FSMas project.

Assuming, of course, you have the following:

* A photo printer (or a few days to order out at Sam’s or similar);
* A laminator (or the gas for a trip to Kinko’s or whatnot); and
* A hawt glue gun (this one you simply must buy, since it’s a necessity for like 96.666% of the craft projects I’m blogging).

Just head on over to www.venganza.org – specifically, their graphics department – and download like crazy. (There’s also some great stuff on Flickr.) When you’re all right-clicked out, shrink your FSM bootay down to fridge size. Meaning, each photo should measure around 3-4″ at its widest/longest point. When you’re done, print your photos up, laminate them to keep the crud off (especially if they’re going on the fridge, source numero uno of crusty materials), and then hot glue magnets on the backs of each.

FYI: Make sure you stick with flat, even magnets, preferably the same size as the photos…uneven magnets sometimes show through.

Another idea is to reinvent new uses for old magnets; for example, I added some strategically placed pasta to make these lame Christian do-gooders into rockin’ FSMas angels:

And if you’ll click through to view a larger version of that first picture, you’ll see that I also glued teeny tiny pasta pieces to a set of small magnetic frames I already had sitting around. Pop in some photos of Johnny Depp, and you’re good to go!

But wait! Where to get these magical magnets, you ask?

Well, if you don’t currently have any laying around the house, you’ll probably have to invest in some. Wal-Mart and the box stores sell ‘em. You can even get magnetic strips that just peel and stick, if you’d rather forgo the glue gun.

But.

Better still, if you’ve had the foresight/pack-rattiness to hoard save all those crappy magnets that have been accumulating in your junk drawer over the past year. You know the ones: adverts for your local accountant/insurance salesman/auto mechanic/Pizza Hut/abortionist (OK, so I’m kidding on that last one…if only!) that swarm your mailbox, oftentimes in those useless ValuPak packets. Rather than chuck them, save and cherish these pieces of ferrite gold, for they will one day support His Noodliness as he hovers on your fridge, offering blessings and oregano (or blessings of oregano) at mealtime.

Or, you can try Freecycle or Cragslist. I scored a whole shitload off of my local KCF list last year.

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Tagged: holidays observances x-mas xmas christmas war on christmas fsmas flying spaghetti monster pastafarian pastafarianism religion spoof parody spoof religion parody religion godbags science Intelligent Design ID creationism pasta pirates his noodliness noodles balls diy crafts holiday crafts decorations holiday decorations flickr photos magnets fridge magnets refrigerator magnets Johnny Depp glue gun hot glue gun laminate laminator reduce reuse recycle fridge art